Friday, January 8, 2010

Random Musing @ Odd Hours

So here I go with my second blog of this year. I have just done with my exams. Exams are becoming kind of boredom exercise for me as sems are passing by and as I am beginning to realize the fact that the grades, CGPA does not matter in the long run. They are just relative scores to keep you slogging and keep moving.

think I have not done enough justice to my exams this time because I had missed very important classes during my absence which cost me heavily as a result I was blank in the QT paper. I feel so bad because that is my domain, that is the sector where I am going to go in future and I should have a good command in this area at least and ironically this is the one where I am most clueless. It was like when I got my paper in my hand, the paper was staring at me and I was staring at paper. Finally both of them shied away and we somehow parted our uncomfortable brief association soon.

On Sunday we have the concluding session of Art of Living program. Our group has been instructed to prepare a dance performance. I have to admit the fact that I have never danced or made any synchronous physical movement in my life which would be termed as gracious except the PT class in my boarding school (and it depends upon reader to judge how gracious it could be).and the worst part is that the whole class is excited about the fact that they want to see my dance performance. I have only a day left to practice and perform and only god knows how I am going to deliver that.

Its 6am in the morning and I am still not asleep. I have started to realize over the time that if I start to get the feeling that I am not working harder or I am becoming too lazy or I am losing my ability to push harder than i try to stretch my night longer till morning no matter how unproductive and useless I am and guess what, I feel good.

Actually I feel proud and kind of happy that I am only one who is awake and when ill sleep in the class tomo It would give an immense pride to tell my colleagues the reason why I am dozing in the class. By the way when I am saying that I could be unproductive while waking up till now,i am gradually beginning to feel unsure about this statement.

My understanding of what is 'productive' and what is 'unproductive' is now changing. I may say that you are not necessarily unproductive if you are not doing any geeky things. But who will tell my brain who has been so much accustomed to the 'GEEKY orientation that it feels emotional dissonance from time to time and i have to try to reason(albeit a bit biased) and make myself believe that if i am not reading the book then it doesn’t mean i am not learning things..Start to love things which are away from book. Make yourself more accommodative.

I am wondering how smoothly my thoughts are flowing at this hour.


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