Struggle for a Meaning

Getting a job is never easy. I was told by many people and still being told so but it’s only when you are actually experiencing the hardships that you realize the full meaning of the statement. I am trying hard to get a decent job but I didn’t realize that there are thousands of others who are also trying for the same, hundreds of people who are much better positioned than me and deserve a better a chance to get that job than me. I know this fact but I have to keep on trying. I can’t stop it.

It’s too bad when you prepare so hard for an interview and you get rejection. It questions your ability and your confidence which is a very harmful and dangerous thought. I must have faced at least 7 interview since last few months and each time in the interview I have felt that there is so much better I can do ,so much better and thoughtful answers I could have given ,so many things I could have told but still I didn’t. I failed and I am learning from my mistakes although the price I am paying to learn them are too high...the price of remaining unemployed,the price of being poor and broke ,the price of being reserved and price of low confidence.
I can not realize it better now that 'first impression is last impression’. I am going to meet the interviewer for only those 20mins and based on those 20mins he will have to decide whether I am a good fit or not.It becomes so imperative that I utter very carefully guarded words and leave no chance for him to question my abilities and pin point my weaknesses.

I don’t want to hide my emotions and rather want to make a very candid admission today that I am definitely not feeling good about it and living in despair and hopelessness. People say that it’s very hard to get a job in a reputed company and at the profile you've dreamt. If you get any chance for that then you are very lucky guy. I thought I was a lucky guy too. I had got chance 3times when I could have been a part of 3 big organizations and at good profile but on each count I failed. Not because I faltered terribly during interview but because I was not interviewed due to below average academic credentials. I was refused from the opportunity of showcasing my competencies because of my past mistakes. I was a victim of a prejudiced mind. I console myself because I think if you make mistakes you are bound to pay for them. I am paying for my sins today.
I had worked hard to get admission in MBA and after joining MBA I worked harder even more. I punished myself and I slogged like anything. I had sacrificed a lot and for the first time in my life I was able to find the meaning of my life. I was enjoying what I was doing and was determined and focused like never before. I thought that with my hard work one day I will be able to disapprove the notions that I am just a normal guy and I will be able to get a decent job...I was wrong..Not just once...each time I was wrong...I forget that there is something called DESTINY...it is not in your hands and sometimes you can’t do much except just leave things to the destiny. At this juncture I am at such position that I am waiting for my luck. I am hoping...I am living my each and every second of life on the 4 letter word HOPE...it’s such a powerful word...you have to be hope full only then you will be able to overcome the challenges...

I may be sounding disappointed and pessimistic but I am not trying to make a false guess that I am not motivated. I am very motivated and each failure in my life doesn’t demotivate me but motivate my more to challenge the circumstances.each time I find a much more stronger will power and a resolute mind to challenge those obstacles..I take it on my ego.I cannot fail.I have to succeed.I have to be patient.I have to give my best shot and wait for the results.I have to learn from the mistakes and give a better performance next time..But at the end of the day I know one thing for sure...I WILL WIN....it has to take place.because I still owe myself a better life....

Remember that after the darkest hour comes the beautiful dawn. 

Dhobhi Ghat

What a movie it was.Kiran Rao is truly superb. I am impressed by her imagination and creativity in making this film. A first film written and directed by Indian of authentic international style. I was really mesmerized by the story line, way of narration, the angles of camera, shooting locations and each and every nuances of movie.

This is the movie of Mumbai through different lenses. It is a story of different people living different lives, in their own complex web of emotions, their environments and lifestyles all connecting with each other in some own way. It is a story of Bombay which means different for different people. Its story of life which is so different and so various. I am just over awed by this movie.

A small town Muslim girl who is just married, who is alone and who foolishly displays her innocence by her smiling and naughty face in the cruel world. A girl who is so loner that she lives her life by talking and living with her video camera as her substitute for a husband. A middle class suburb lifestyle portraying little reasons of happiness in small things in this fast faced lonely Bombay life.

It is a story about a thoughtful eccentric divorced painter who lives life in lonely world trying to connect various impulses in his life, who is reserved and chain smoker. It is about a painter to whom the next big inspiration is the ordinary life who wants to explore city through different perspectives.

It a story about a rich investment banker lady who is on sabbatical obsessed with this painter after her one night stand, who is a on a mission to explore real Bombay... a very charming beautiful girl who is in romance with the photography, divorced painter, black Bombay and emotions.

It is a story of this innocent and dreamer laundry guy who dreams of becomes a superstar, who falls in love with this lady. His new found source of happiness lies in being with this lady. The story is about a guy who works as a laundry guy in day time, who sexually satisfies a lonely rich wife living in posh flat, who tries hard to save his night from water drenching shanty ceiling in rainy night and one who is trying to find happiness by quixotically romancing this girl.

It is wonderful story and I believe that this should go to Oscars from Indian side. It exemplifies purely the art of making a movie, a movie which is so classic yet so modern. The joy of watching lies in not observing sequence of events but in exploring a small details, connections and emotions which have bound every part of character. I have seen Hollywood movies of similar nature and I think Kiran has borrowed her theme from those movies. Thumbs up to you Kiran Rao.You are a great mind…

One Night Stand

Whosoever may have read my previous blog must have been very quick to label me as a pessimist, dejected and cynic.well, this post is categorically meant to disprove these notions. I proclaim that I had a great new year’s party albeit in my own way.don't believe me.huh...read out below:
My college friends had organized a pretty lovely party in the campus with music and a bonfire in the open garden. I wanted to give them an insinuation that my idea of a party is something more happening.don't ask me what is my definition of 'happening' though. I sometimes don’t like to get into details rather want you to rely on my sense of humor.

I rather decided to go to Gurgaon to my friend’s place who was alone, recently fired from job and of course penniless guessing that since both of us share a lot of things in common so we might have a great party..So I traveled for 2hrs in a jam packed metro rail which was on the border of witnessing stampede and reached his home. I was too hungry so my courteous host treated me with his last night's leftover cold and hard pastry and an ice cream.during winters very few people have the guts to experiment with ice creams. Thankfully my host was amongst one of them.then sprung the discussion of our main topic ...where to go for enjoying our new years...after shooting in air lots of fancy names like TGIF, Ruby’s Tuesday, Addiction n all suddenly I thought why not bring some financial aspects also into our final decision (hoping that it will make me proud for being MBA finally) but since both of us had just made a fresh resolution of going frugal in 2011 so what better way to start from now. we did so by deciding to go modest with our budget(yeah right, that was to save our face) so our final plan was to drop the plan of booze & those exciting pubs because t was damn expensive to get sloshed in a pub rather we’d eat a good dinner and watch a movie..

I was not to happy but didn’t wanted to let my host feel down.so nodded my head.since I am a vegetarian for the moment I ended up eating chole bhature,fried rice without gravy in front of a guy who was gorging madly in his tandoori seek kebabs, chicken biryani..Okay.not a bad start for my party.the movie will compensate it all.
So we took tickets for some English 3D movie.don't ask me the name.it was terrible.only 10people in theater,no chicks and a sci fi movie which I could not even understand and what more it was not even a 3D ..
when the clock stuck 12,when whole world was jubilantly dancing and merrymaking and getting drunk,here I was wearing a over sized green filmed goggles sitting in a dark theater watching a movie which I could not understand..Now this was a real depression...We came back home after spending Rs700 per head and ending up feeling real loser. At home we cuddled up in our bed and watched a 1980s shatrudhan sinha, mumtaj movie before falling asleep.

Shakespeare has said 'all's well that ends well’. Happy New Year friends...have fun.