Every morning when i get up and go to work i usually come across these short duration random thoughts and get these scarce philosophical bytes. How much have I changed so soon? There was a life which i was leading was filled with so much of randomness, filled with so much of eagerness, carelessness, reverberating with chaos and there is a time when my life is so predictable, routine, cagey, so focused that sometimes i still feel that i am a person who is trying to juggle between two lives.
At one time, I am living a life where you have to wear a mask and play a conscious role and there is a life where you were what you were but you try to bring that life into this present life, even though you can't but you try to live a part of this all the time because you cannot agree to the fact that that part of live is a bygone era.
At times ,i ask myself ,who am I ,what is my absolute purpose in my life, what does this life mean to me and for me what is happiness ,what is sadness ,what is success and what is failure. To me today it looks like i was in a cocoon where my perspective was limited to my nest and all of a sudden my abode is the open sky. Hence the terms have changed, the definitions have to be redefined, the mission has to be laid out and most important I have to hold on to a vision.
I think i have got the right word.VISION.It is very important.Today,when I go to work every morning day in day out ,when i ask this question to myself why am i doing all this, what is my purpose ,what is my ultimate drive, I feel that i am diving inside an empty vessel. A right question needs to be asked to find the answer. What do i want others to remember me as when i die?
What is the meaning of life?
Every morning at the MRT station while boarding the train, I see a blue dressed turban wearing 60years old MRT employee standing at the left most corner exactly at same spot giving exactly same smile with the same effort of hiding his inability to overpower his ego.
Every morning i see this humble and frail old Indonesian lady overtaking my way exactly when i am going to step on the escalator and using her tissue paper to wipe out dust from the trail bars of conveyor belt.
These are just some random observations which have no meaning in my life but when i see them i don’t know why but somewhere somehow leave an impression on my mind and leaves me for asking again and again "Is this what is life worth for'?
But I step inside my office and see a pseudo life with the humdrum of business, see people running here and there to escape boss' wrath and then I tell myself, Saurabh the game has begun, time to wear your mask!!!